Just want to clarify some things that came up in replies to my first Tiger Woods Post:

http://alphamaleplanner.com/blog/2010/02/tiger-woodss-4-biggest-mistakes/

I have three points I want to empahasize:

1.  I am not advocating that we make promises to women and then break them.  I am saying we need to be very careful to promise only what we can deliver on. Most young adults don’t have a clue what they’re doing when they stand there before the preacher, hormones flooding everywhere, and promise to be faithful for the rest of their lives.

Because of this, . . .

2.  We, as a society, need to re-think the kinds of promises we allow young people to make to each other.  Allowing people to promise lifelong monogamy when under the influence of peer pressure and hormones seems completely irresponsible for society to allow. 

Think about it the next time you’re at a wedding, looking at the over-confident bride and groom who think the statistics won’t apply to them.  Most older adults know better, and I think it’s shame that we let young people do this to each other.

If you think it’s a good thing to allow those kinds of promises, please make your defense below by leaving a comment.  If you want to use Bible verses, fine, however, because I’m directly calling into question the Biblical morality on this issue, I’m really looking for good reasons outside of Bible verses.

We can surely come up with better alternatives to those kinds of promises. Marriages that last 3 years and then must be renewed to continue?  There’s an idea. That would solve some of the problem.  Open marriages?  Might work for some. More structure to the contract, so that if one feels trapped one can get out?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that Marriage is the last remaining slavery contract allowed in the western world.

3.  What do you do if you already made a “lifelong monogamy” promise, and now you feel helplessly trapped?  That’s a hard one.  It’s easy to say Tiger should not have married in the first place.  It’s easy to say that he should have only made promises that he could keep.  But he was a young idealistic foolish kid (like all of us were at one point), and he did the deed.  What now?

I don’t know.  I think you should always be able to re-negotiate at some point — and without the full weight of social judgment falling down on you for it.  Tiger should have tried renegotiating before cheating.  I will agree with that. 

But I won’t agree with those who say: “it’s just “too bad, you might have been young, foolish, under the influence of hormones, and under the influence of peer pressure, but, too bad, you have to be miserable the rest of your life, because a promise is a promise.”

Your thoughts?

Tyler

Tiger is in a position to be the biggest Alpha Male in the whole world, but he’s acting like a little beta or gamma chimp right now. All the beta chimps in the media are pouncing on him, and he’s letting them get away with it.  It’s like he’s cowering in the corner picking at his sores and pulling out his fur from the stress and shame.  It’s pathetic.

I wish I could talk some sense into him, but he likely wouldn’t listen, even if I could get past his bodyguards.

Tiger Woods has made some big blunders in his life, but, make no mistake, . . . Tiger’s mistakes aren’t the biggest lesson to take away from his sex scandal. After listing his mistakes, I’ll tell you what I think the main takeaway is for aspiring alpha males.

From my point of view, here are:

Tiger Woods 4 Biggest Mistakes In This Sex Scandal:

1.  Choosing a wedge instead of a 9-iron on the 14^th at Augusta in ’02.

Just kidding.  Moving on . . .

1.  Getting married in the first place.  I’m not against marriage completely.  I think once you hit 40 it’s worth considering.  You’ve had your fun, and, if you find someone completely on the same wavelength with you, and you want to lock in, then lock in.  Even if you’re younger, if you find a real sweetie, I can understand it.  Though you might want to explore some more open forms of marriage, because you WILL be tempted to stray, and shouldn’t get into a situation where you give others permission to SHAME you if you stray.

But this applies to mere mortals.  If you’re Tiger Woods, you should not get locked into a strictly monogamous marriage in your 20s.  Period. 

Some of you reading this blog are real players, and women love you.  I know.  But even you have no idea the kind of opportunity a man like this has.  Women seek him out, stalk him, and offer sex all the time.

Who among us would not dip into that once in a while, especially if our job required us to travel all over the world with free time in strange cities and 10 offers from hot women with good logistics in each place?

Seriously.  That’s just nuts, and anyone who expected him to do other than he did has their head up their ass.  They are delusional are not clear-headedly understanding human nature for what it is.

Sex counseling is not going to make that go away.

Tiger should have remained single, or explicitly arranged an open marriage.

Not his fault, though.  Others around him with more understanding of the big picture should have helped him understand his choices better.

2. Not manning up once caught.  Tiger’s done plenty of “kissing up”, but not much “manning up.”  Here’s what he should have done.  He should have said, “you know what, I’ve tried to have it both ways, and now I’m caught.  But I’ll be damned if I’m going to suck it up and deny who I am.  I’m one of the highest status males on this entire fricken planet, and I made a mistake getting into a lifelong monogamous arrangement in my 20s.  But I’m going to fix that and arrange a life more fitting of a super alpha male.  I’ll propose that we open our marriage.  If Elin doesn’t go for that, then she can deal.  She’s got it pretty good, you’ve got to admit. And I’ve got the money to make sure everyone is well taken care of.  If I need to divorce, then so be it.”

3. Bending over and grabbing his ankles while a hypocritical media spanks him for doing what any of them would do if they had his status.  I think this one speaks for itself.

4. Trusting Rachel Uchitel.  She blew his cover.  He shouldn’t have trusted her.  But, frankly, this was a little mistake given all the bigger mistakes above.  If it hadn’t been her, it would eventually have been someone else.

OK, so Tiger’s made some mistakes. And the mistakes aren’t the mistakes the media and conventional wisdom wants you to think were his mistakes.

And one of the takeaways from this is to not make these same mistakes.

But the biggest takeaway is this:

Don’t Give People Permission To

Shame You For Being Who You Are

Traditional marriage is often just that.  It’s giving a woman and all her friends permission to shame you if you have sex with anyone other than your wife for the rest of your life.

Most of us grow up and assume there aren’t any other options.  Marriage is just the way things are done, and that’s how marriage works.

But wait, . . . you are a free agent.  And you need to protect your interests.

If a woman wants you to marry her, you need to have a frank talk that goes something like this:

“I’m a man, and I like having sex.  I love having sex with you, sweetie, and I love being with you, but I’m still tempted to have sex with other women, and I probably will want to have sex with other women at some point in the future – statistically it will probably happen.

If we get married you’ll try to claim most of the money I’ll make in my life, and, if we have kids, you’ll expect me to be satisfied with less sex and attention.

On top of all this, I will be giving you, your friends and your family permission to shame me if I have sex with another woman.

Now, honestly sweetie, why should I put myself in that position?”

Then let her consider starkly what she is actually asking of you.  If she’s going to seriously ask for that kind of control over you explicitly, then she’d better make a seriously good offer to you to make it worth your while.  For starters, she could promise you blow jobs every fricken morning for the rest of your life or something like that.  And if she starts slacking, you have permission to start slacking. 

Seriously, write that into the vows and make her say it in front of everyone

If you aren’t one of those rare guys who really can be satisfied with one woman the rest of your life, you have a choice.  A) Have a tough, frank discussion right there, and negotiate an arrangement that protects your freedom and self respect.  B) Have a Tiger Woods-style blow up later.  Or  C) toe the line and deny your nature the rest of your miserable life. 

It’s up to you.

Peace.

Tyler.

P.S.  Please, I want to know your thoughts . . . respectful comments are welcome.